i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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