covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
