I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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