Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize