she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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