I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
