I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
