Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
