4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
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