Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
