There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
im six kinds of drunk right now
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
