He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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