woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
