i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
