go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Randomize