apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
