He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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