That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Randomize