he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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