"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
