The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
