you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
