he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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