i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
