Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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