it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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