let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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