she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
