Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
