don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
