I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize