Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
