Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
