i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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