They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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