yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
