I accidentally had phone sex last night
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
