i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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