based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize