After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
