Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
