I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
false alarm. still invincible.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
