so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
