Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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