At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
