I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
