White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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