I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Actions speak louder than pants.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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