wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
