no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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