do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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