Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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