He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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