yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
