She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
