I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
