Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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