At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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