I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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