My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
