i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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