sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
