The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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