In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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