you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
