you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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