i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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