and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
