I think I am morally bankrupt
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
