well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
