Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
love makes seman taste better
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
